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A newlywed couple on their honeymoon gets to the hotel room.
When they start to have sex, the wife says that she has something to confess.
The husband says, “I will love you no matter what it is, tell me.”
So the wife tells him that she is actually extremely flat cheated.
The husband says, “I can deal with that.”
He takes off her shirt and shouts, “Boy! You are small, but I love you
The husband says, “I have something to confess also.”
She says, “No matter what I will still love you.”
He says, “Okay. I am built like a baby down there.”
She says, “I can deal with that.”
So he pulls down his pants and his wife passes out! He fans her and she
finally gets up.
She says, “I thought you said you were built like a baby?”
He says, “Yeah….7lbs, 21inches.”
One night this guy and his girlfriend were about to go into his apartment and before he could open his door his girlfriend said, “Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door.”So the guy says, “Well, give me some examples.”So the girlfriend proceeds to tell him, “Well the first way is, if a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn’t for me. Then she said, “The second way is if a man fumbles around and can’t seem to find the hole than that means he is inexperienced and that isn’t for me either.” Then she said, “Honey, how do you unlock your door?”He then proceeded to say, “Well, first before I do anything else, I lick the lock.”
These are responses you may use when caught slepping on the job:
“They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”
“This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time management course you sent me.”
“Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out You probably got here just in time!”
“I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.”
“I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.”
“I was doing Yoga exercises to relieve work-related stress.”
“Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.”
“The coffee machine is broken…”
“Someone must’ve put decaf in the wrong pot…”
” … in Jesus’ name. Amen.”