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New Admission Rules
A man dies and finds himself standing third in line at the Pearly Gates.
The Angel explains that admission requirements are now a bit more strict, as a few slum landlords and con artists have managed to slip into Heaven without being detected.
He queries the first candidate:”What was your annual salary, and what was your profession? “I made $150,000 as an Attorney” comes the reply. “You may enter” says the Angel.
Second candidate, same question. “I made $95,000, I was a realtor.” He is also permitted to enter. Now it is the third man’s turn.
“My annual salary was $8,000.” “Cool!” replies the Angel, “and what instrument did you play?”
”History teaches us….
“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.”
Advice
A little boy was sitting outside a store eating one snickers candy bar after another, when an older man walked up and said, “You shouldn’t be eating so much candy, it’ll rot your teeth, it’s just bad for you to eat so much candy.”
The little boy looked up and said, “My grandfather lived to be 95 years old”.
The older man asked: “Oh? by eating snickers candy bars?”
The little boy said: “No, by minding his own business.”
”Sometimes the first….
“Sometimes the first step toward forgiveness is realizing the other person was born an idiot.”
Job Offer
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the University of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?” The engineer replies, “In the region of $150,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks’ vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red convertible?”
The engineer sits up and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?”
The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”