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Horse�s ass
As Governor, Bush got to ceremonially act as a state trooper for a day. While
operating a speed trap Bush pulled over a Texas farmer. He lectured the farmer
about his speed and the necessity of obeying laws made by his superiors, and in
general threw his weight around. Finally, he got around to writing the ticket,
and as he was doing so he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around
his head. The farmer said, “Having some problems with circle flies there, are
ya, Sir?” Bush stopped writing the ticket and said, “Well yeah, if that’s what
they are — I never heard of circle flies.” So the farmer says, “Well, circle
flies are common on farms. See, they’re called circle flies because they’re
almost always found circling around the back end of horses.” Bush says, “Oh,”
and goes back to writing the ticket. After a minute he stops and slowly says,
“Hey… wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse’s ass?” The farmer
says, “Oh no, Governor, I have too much respect for you to even think about
calling you a horse’s ass.” Grinning broadly, Bush says, “Well, that’s a good
thing,” and goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer
says, “Hard to fool them flies though.”
Dickens and the Mart
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, �Olive or twist?�
The Cat
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seems to be plenty of kittens.”
– Abraham Lincoln
“One cat just leads to another.”
– Ernest Hemingway
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
– Mary Bly
“There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.”
– Unknown
“Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.”
– Joseph Wood Krutch
On A Dark & Stormy Night
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?”
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t dear,” she said. “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.”
A long silence was broken at last by his shaking little voice: “The big sissy.”
Lettter from god
One day God was looking down to earth and saw all the evil going on. He decided to send an angel down to earth to check it out. So, he called on a female angel and sent her to earth for a time. When she returned she told God, yes, it was bad on earth – 95 percent of people were bad and only 5 percent were good.Well, God thought for a moment and said that maybe he had better send down a male angel and so get both points of view. So God called a male angel and sent him down to earth for a time. When the male angel returned, he went to God and told him – yes, the earth was in decline. Ninety-five percent were bad and 5 percent were good.God said that this was not good. He would send a letter to the 5 percent of people that were good to encourage them and give them something to help keep them going. Do you know what the letter said?Oh, so you didn’t get one either?
Everything
A student comes home with a girlfriend and asks her:
“I have spirits and vodka. What would you like?”
“Oh! I don’t know! Everything is so tasty!”