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Immature Wife
My wife is so immature, every time I take a bath, she comes in and sinks my little boats!
Frist-Graders
A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave
each child in the class the first half ot the proverb, and asked
them to come up with the rest. Hers are the children’s responses.
Better to be safe than…………….punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the………………….bug is close.
It is always darkest before………..daylight savings time.
Never underestimate the power of……termites.
You can lead a horse to water but…..how?
Don’t bite the hand that…………..looks dirty.
No news is……………………….impossible.
A miss is as good as a…………….Mr.
You can’t teach an old dog…………math.
If you lie down with dogs, you……..will stink in the morning.
Love all, trust…………………..me.
The pen is mighter than……………the pigs.
An idle mind is…………………..the best way to relax.
Where there is smoke, there’s………pollution.
Happy is the bride who…………….gets all the presents.
A penny saved is………………….not much.
Two is company, three’s……………The musketeers.
None are so blind as………………Helen Keller.
Children should be seen not………..spanked or grounded.
If at first you don’t succeed………get new batteries.
When the blind lead the blind………get out of the way.
There is no fool like……………..Aunt Edie.
Laugh, and the whole world laughs with you,
cry and………………………..you have to blow your nose.
Get out of something what you………see pictured in the box.
Just A Juggalo
A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys’ car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat. “Sir,” the cop says.”Why do you have all those knives?””They’re for my juggling act,” the man says.”I don’t believe you,” says the cop.”Prove it.” So the man gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives. At the same time, a car with two guys in it drives by.”Man,” says the first guy.”I’m glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard.”
Florida
Maggie and sarah(two blondes)were driving to Florida,they saw a sign that said “Florida Left” so the two blondes went back home.
Rush Limbaugh
Rush Limbaugh is being driven through the country and when he nears a farm,
the chauffeur accidentally runs over a pig. Rush Limbaugh says that the
chauffuer better go in and apologize and pay for the pig. The chauffuer is in
there for 10 hours. When he comes out, Rush Limbaugh asks what happened and the
chauffeur says, “Well, I went in and told them and the farmer gave me a feast
and the mother and daughter gave me incredible sex for 7 hours!!” “Well, what
did you say?!” cries Rush Limbaugh jealously. “Oh, I told them that I was Rush
Limbaugh’s chauffeur and I’d just killed the pig.”
Ya Just can't wipe
Bert had been married for years, and was starting to have some problems getting it up. One of his friends told him that he should surprise his wife one of these nights, and things would change. His friend told him to sneak in, really late one night, and crawl quietly into bed beside his wife without waking her up. Then he is to slowly reach down into her panties and play around a bit, then wipe it on his face. That would turn him on, and once he woke her up, she couldn’t resist this hardon. So he waits a few days, sneaks in, and crawls into bed beside his wife. He sticks his hand down her panties, and plays around a bit, then wipes it all over his face. Sure enough, he was getting horny, so he repeated this a few times. Shortly he had a hard on a squirrel couldn’t climb. He was very happy, and turned on the light, and woke up his wife……”Honey, do you notice anything different about me???”She took one look at him, and said “Yeah, have you been fighting again??? There is fresh blood all over your face.”