The Modern Day Ten Commandments

1. I am the Lord thy God and thou shalt have not too many other Gods besides
me.

2. Thou shalt make no graven images. This is a major religion, not a shop
class.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of thy God in vain without the express
written consent of thy God. The name “Thy God” is the sole property of thy God.
Any use of the name of thy God without the express written
consent of thy God is unauthorized and illegal and shall be punished by thy
God.

4. Remember the Sabbath, thy squash game and thy other appointments.

5. Honor thy single parent.

6. Thou shalt not kill a man just to watch him die.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery and then run for office.

8. Thou shalt not steal. (Note: Not really applicable to car radios.)

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor when appearing
before Judge Wapner.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, his servants, his flocks, or his
powertools.