9> You often wake up to find your hand in a pot of warm water — with potatoes and carrots.
8> Always clipping those “Flabby White Guy Helper” coupons.
7> All the empty McDonner’s containers he leaves around the apartment.
6> Maybe he said “head of lettuce” when you asked about what was wrapped up the refrigerator, but it sure sounded like “head of Cleatus.”
5> Every day, the same routine — he comes home from med school and lets loose a big, loud, formaldehyde-smelling burp.
4> Nervously changes the channel whenever “Cannibals Caught on Tape” comes on.
3> The tubby kid from across the hall is missing; she’s trying to decide which windows to click down on her Richard Simmons Food Planner.
2> Well, *you* sure didn’t buy that box of BitchQuick in the cupboard.
1> When you ask what he wants on the pizza, he always says, “Ask if they have buttocks.”
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
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