I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Author: juhy
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with a slow Internet connection to see who they really are.
“I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.”
“My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.”
''Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting."
"Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”
Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves!
Sometimes the amount of self-control it takes to not say what's on my mind is so immense, I need a nap afterward.
Even people who are good for nothing can bring smile on your face, when pushed down the stairs...
''I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure out where the hell you got the idea I cared.”