Redneck quickies 24

You might be a redneck if…You’ve ever hitchhiked naked,You’re turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer. You use the O on a stop sign to sight your new rifle. Your bumper sticker says, “My other car is a combine.” The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot. The highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth. Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse. Taking a dip has nothing to do with water. There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog. You take a fishing pole to Sea World. The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car. You’ve ever filled your deer tag on the golf course. You’ve ever shot somebody over a mall parking space. Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. You think mud rasslin’ should be an Olympic sport. The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business. You list your parole officer as a reference. There are more fish on your wall than pictures. Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.