You Might Be In The Medical Field if
1. Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you
2. Your idea of a good time is a full code at shift change.
3. You find humor in other peoples stupidity.
4. You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac
5. Your idea of comforting a child is to place him in a papoose restraint.
6. You believe that “shallow gene pool” should be a diagnosis.
7. You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
8. You believe Chocolate is a food group.
9. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says,”Boy, it sure is quiet around here.
10. When you’re out in public and you compliment a stranger on their great veins.
11. You have ever referred to someone’s death as a transfer to the eternal care center.
12. You hate working nights with a full moon.
13. You don’t think a referral to Dr. Kevorkian is appropriate for this patient.
14. You have wanted to give a seminar on “SUICIDE” Doing it right the first time.
15. You have had to leave a pt’s room before you laugh uncontrollably.
16. You think coffee should be available in IV form.
17. You have ever restrained someone and it was NOT a sexual experience.
18. You believe that “too stupid to live” should be a diagnosis.
19. If you have ever referred to a Paramedic as a “Shit magnate”.
20. You believe that the waiting room should have Valium Salt Licks.
21. You have ever wanted a terrorist to deliver a Ryder truck to the lab.
22. When ordering labs, the Doctor wants to order a “dumb shit” lab.
23. When you mention vegetable you aren’t talking about the food group.
24. You are totally astounded when someone from the lab speaks English.
25. You have been exposed to so many x-rays that you say, “No, I don’t have to be worried about birth control… I’ve been irradiated.”
26. Your patient states, “I have no idea how that got stuck up there.”
27. You have your weekends all marked and planned for the year.
28. You encourage an obnoxious person to sign an AMA just so you don’t have to deal with them anymore.
29. You use your status to get out of a speeding ticket.
30. You use the word GOMER in a sentence more than once a shift.
31. You have ever bet on someones blood alcohol level.
32. You threaten to use “the hose” if your patient won’t give a urine sample.
33. After someone tells you how many drinks they’ve had, you ask: “How big were those drinks.”