"Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?…

“Well, Mrs. O’Connor, so you want a divorce?” the solicitor questioned
his client. “Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?”

“Oh, no,” replied Mrs. O’Connor. “Shure now, we have a carport.”

The solicitor tried again. “Well, does the man beat you up?”

“No, no,” said Mrs. O’Connor, looking puzzled. “I’m always first out of
bed.”

Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. “Well, does he go in for
unnatural connubial practices?”

“Shure now, he plays the flute, but I don’t think he knows anything
about the connubial.”

Now desperate, the solicitor pushed on. “What I’m trying to find out are
what grounds you have.”

“Bless ye, sor. We live in a flat — not even a window box, let alone
grounds.”

“Mrs. O’Connor,” the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, “you
need a reason that the court can consider. What is the reason for you
seeking this divorce?”

“Ah, well now,” said the lady, “Shure it’s because the man can’t hold an
intelligent conversation.”