The Top 14 Signs a Cartoon Character Is Getting Old

14> The only thing wonderful about Wonder Woman is her Wonderbra. 13> Charlie Brown switches his affection to the little blue-haired girl. 12> Wile E. Coyote receives fewer parcels from ACME, more parcels from AARP. 11> New royal title: King Valiant. New color for horrid mixing-bowl haircut: gray. 10> Sylvester’s only interested in the Early Tweety Bird Special. 9> The X-Men have become the Ex-Lax Men. 8> Popeye’s face retains the shape of the frying pan Bluto hit him with for the rest of the episode. 7> Dilbert’s tie no longer points upward without pharmaceutical help. 6> Cathy finally gives up on men and moves into a Greenwich Village flat with Marcie and Peppermint Patty. 5> Pepe LePew no longer makes any scents. 4> SpongeBob’s SquarePants are now UpToHisArmpits, and he can’t seem to get rid of that rank dirty-dish smell. 3> Bugs spends a lot of time in the examination room asking, What’s up with my prostate, Doc? 2> Now retired and living in Florida, Zonker Harris and Michael Doonesbury unintentionally vote for Bush — again. 1> His wife has taken to calling him Limpy Limppecker. [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]