New Pastor

A young, single pastor moved to town and decided he would go around and introduce himself to the new congregation. He rang the first door bell and a lady came to the door. She stared at him as he introduced himself.

She said, “I can’t believe how much you look like Conway Twitty, the country music singer.”
He replied, “Yes, ma’am, I hear that a lot.”

He went to the next house and the next, and every lady that came to the door said the same thing—that he looked like Conway Twitty.

At the last house, a shapely young lady came to the door with a towel around her. He started to introduce himself, but she loosened her towel, threw her arms in the air, and screamed, “Conway Twitty!”

The pastor stood there, stunned. Then he said, “Hello, darling!”

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Board Meeting

After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board after the service. He would wait in the office behind the main church.

The first man to arrive was a stranger the minister has not seen before.

“Sir, you misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board,” said the minister.

“Oh, I know,” said the man. “And, if there is anyone here more bored than I am, I’d like to meet them.”

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Deathbed Summons

A preacher on his deathbed summoned his doctor and his lawyer. They came, and he asked them to sit on either side of his bed and hold his hands.

They sat thus for a long while until the doctor stirred and said, “You don’t have long on this earth, Reverend. Can you tell us why you asked us to come?”

The old preacher stirred himself wheezed and said, “Well, Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s the way I want to go too.”

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Denounce the Devil

The Priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night. Whispering firmly, the Priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of him!”

The dying man said nothing.

The priest repeated his order.

Still the man said nothing.

The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?”

The dying man said, “Until I know for sure where I’m heading, I don’t think I ought to aggravate anybody.”

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Church Offering

A pastor explained to his congregation that the church was in need of some extra money, so he asked them to consider being more than generous. He offered that whoever gave the most would be able to pick three hymns.

After the offering plates were passed about the church, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had graciously offered a roll of $100 bills. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he’d like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.

A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady in the back of the church shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front, so she slowly she made her way towards him.

The pastor told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much, and in thanks he asked her to pick out three hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation. She pointed to the three most handsome men in the church and said, “I’ll take him and him and him.”

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