Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.
“So how was it?” his mother asked when they returned home.
“Great,” Little Johnny replied.
“Did you and your father have a good time?” asked his mother.
“Yeah, Daddy especially liked it,” exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!”
A minister was talking to a children’s Sunday school class about the Old Testament story of the children who mocked Elisha on his journey to Bethel.
For once, he had everyone’s attention, as he described how the youngsters taunted the poor old prophet and how they were punished – Two she-bears came out of the wild and ate 42 of them.
“And now, children,” said the pastor, wondering whether he had gotten his point across, “Who can tell me what we really learn from this story?”
A little girl in the front raised her hand and said, “We learned that one she-bear can eat 21 children all at once.”
A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, “Do you think I’ll find Big Bird in here?”
The little girl stayed silent.
Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, “Do you think I’ll find the Cookie Monster down there?”
Again, the little girl was silent.
Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, “Do you think I’ll hear Barney in there?”
Feeling bad for the doctor, who was really trying, the girl said politely, “Oh no, Jesus is in my heart, but Barney’s on my underpants!”
A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.
The little boy turned to his mother and said, “Mama, I don’t want to go out there. It’s dark.”
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. “You don’t have to be afraid of the dark,” she explained. “Jesus is out there. He’ll look after you and protect you.”
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, “Are you sure he’s out there?”
“Yes, I’m sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him,” she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, “Jesus? If you’re out there, would you please hand me the broom?”
An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station.
At the station, an officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and tells the children that these are the most dangerous and wanted fugitives in the USA.
Little Johnny looks at the wall of mugshots, points to a particularly scary looking individual and asks, “He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!”
The officer replies, “Yes!”
Little Boy asks “Well, why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”