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A Haircut
I accompanied my husband when he went to get a haircut. While waiting, I flipped through a book with hairstyles and I found a hairstyle I liked for myself. I asked the receptionist if I could take the book next door to make a copy of the photo.
“Leave some ID, a driver’s license or a credit card,” she said.
“But my husband is here getting a haircut,” I explained.
“Yes,” she replied. “But I need something you’ll come back for.”
When people…
When people see you laying down with your eyes closed, they still ask “Are you sleeping?” And I’m like, “No. I’m training to die.”
Two Rednecks
Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, “Chickens.”
“Chickens, eh?” says one guy. “Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?”
“Heck,” says the guy with the bag, “if you guess right, I’ll give you both of ’em.”
The other scratches his head and guesses, “Um… is it five?”
If I had to…
If I had to pay my wife a dollar for every smart thing she says, I’d save a lot of money.
A Rabbi Confession
A priest in a small village was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unmanned, he called a rabbi friend up and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn’t know what to say, so the priest told him to come on over and he’d stay with him for a little to show him what to do. The rabbi comes, and he and the priest are in the confessional.
In a few minutes, a woman comes in and says, Father, forgive me, for I have sinned.”
The priest asks, “What did you do?”
The woman says, “I committed adultery.”
“How many times?” asks the priest.
“Three times,” came the reply.
“Say two Hail Marys, put $5 in the box, and go and sin no more.”
A few minutes later, another woman enters the confessional. She says, Father, forgive me, for I have sinned.”
Priest: “What did you do?”
Woman: “I committed adultery.”
Priest: “How many times?”
Woman: “Three times.”
Priest: “Say two Hail Marys, put $5 in the box, and go and sin no more.”
The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he’s got it, so the priest leaves.
A few minutes later, another woman enters and says, Father, forgive me, for I have sinned.”
Rabbi: “What did you do?”
Woman: “I committed adultery.”
Rabbi: “How many times?”
Woman: “Just once.”
Rabbi: “Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5.”
What did I do…
What did I do to give my boss the impression I actually care about what he thinks?