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God is Watching
Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, “Take only one, God is watching.”
At the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. Moving through the line a boy wrote another note to leave by the cookies, “Help yourself, God is watching the apples.”
A conclusion…
A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.
Dark Tunnel
A random woman, a manager, and his assistant are sitting together in a train. Suddenly, the train goes through a tunnel, and as luck would have it, the lights go out and it’s completely dark.
Then there’s this kissing noise and the sound of a loud slap. When the train comes out of the tunnel, the woman and the assistant are sitting as if nothing has happened, and the manager has his hand against his face, which is red from an apparent slap.
The manager is thinking, “My assistant must have kissed the woman, and she missed him and slapped me instead.”
The woman is thinking, “The manager must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed his assistant and got slapped for it.”
And the assistant is thinking, “This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel, I’ll make another kissing noise and slap my boss again.”
If I wanted…
If I wanted to kill myself I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
Fighting Addiction
A woman had bought lots of shoes over time and decided it was time to kick the habit. She really took it seriously, even changing her driving route to avoid her favorite shoe store. One evening, however, she arrived home carrying a shoe box. Her husband grinned at her, but it didn’t faze her at all.
“These are very special shoes,” she explained. “I accidentally drove by the shoe store, and there in the window were the most perfect shoes I’ve ever seen! I felt this was no coincidence, so I thought I’d let fate decide. If I could get a parking spot directly in front of the shop, the shoes were meant for me. And sure enough, the eighth time around the block, there it was!”
Being…
Being an adult is just walking around wondering what you’re forgetting.