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Red Haired Baby

After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the obstetrician Dr. Cohen.
“Doctor,” Mr. Spiegel said, “I’m a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can’t possibly be mine.”
“Nonsense,” the doctor said, “even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.”
“It isn’t possible,” the man insisted. “This can’t be, our families on both sides had jet black hair for generations.”
“Well,” said the doctor, “let me ask you this, how often do you have sex?”
Mr. Spiegel seemed a bit ashamed. “Well, I’ve been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months.”
“There you have it!” the doctor said confidently. “It’s just rust.”

Unfortunate Switch

A blonde goes to the doctor with burns on both of her ears and her right hand.

“Sit down and tell me how it happened,” says the doctor.

“I was ironing my clothes when I received a call. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and burned my ear.”

“What about the other ear and your hand?” the doctor asked.

She replied, “I tried to call for an ambulance.”

Smart Pills

One day a boy and his father were walking through the woods when the son spotted some rabbit droppings.

The boy asked his Dad, “What are these Pop?”

Wanting to tease his son, the father replied, “They’re smart pills, son. Eat them and they’ll make you smarter.”

So the boy ate them and said, “Yuck, they taste just like poop!”

“See,” said his father giggling, “you’re already getting smarter!”

Late for Church

One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday dress was running so she wouldn’t be late for church.

As she ran she kept praying, “Dear God, please don’t let me be late to church. Please don’t let me be late to church.”

Suddenly, she tripped and fell, scraping her knee. When she got back up she began praying again.

“Please, God don’t let me be late to church — but don’t shove me either!”

Wedding Night

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man who he has never been with a woman before.

After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian outback.They end up getting married.

On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.

“What happened?” she asks.

“Well, I’ve never been with a woman,” he says, “but if it’s anything like a kangaroo, I’m gonna need all the room I can get.”

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