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A college professor was giving a big science test. Upon collecting the tests she noticed a note attached to one of them with a $100 bill underneath it.
The note read, “One dollar per point please.”
The professor returned the test the following with $40 and a note attached.
The note read, “Here’s your $40 change.”
A man is driving in America when he picks up a Navajo man hitchhiking.
They are making small talk when the Navajo notices a brown paper bag with something in it.
The driver notices his glance and explains, “That’s a bottle of wine I got for my wife.”
The Navajo man nods solemnly, “Good trade.”
Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live in a house together.
One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells down the stairs, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”
The 94-year-old yells back, “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.” She starts up the stairs and pauses. “Was I going up the stairs or down?”
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful.” She knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”
A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad’s farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.” The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word “fascinate, not fascinating”.
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.” The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word “fascinate, not fascinated.”
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate”, so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight.”