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A young woman had been taking golf lessons.
She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.
Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.
Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, “Why are you back in so early? What’s wrong?”
“I was stung by a bee”, she said.
“Where?,” he asked.
“Between the first and second hole”, she replied.
He nodded knowingly and said, “Then your feet are too far apart.”
One day a farmer had to fly on a plane to go to a funeral. When he was seated, he could see out the window a red fuel truck driving up to the plane. The plane was fueled and they were on their way.
The trip required several stops along the way. At each stop the farmer saw a red fuel truck coming to the plane to refuel it.
When the plane landed ahead of schedule, the farmer saw the pilot coming out of the cockpit.
The pilot smiled and said to the farmer, “We made pretty good time today!”
In response the farmer said, “Yeah, and that little red truck didn’t do too bad either!”
I am passing this on to you because it definitely works and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives.
By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace.
Dr Phil proclaimed, “The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.”
So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn’t finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, a box of chocolates and the rest of my half-gallon of Blue Bell Original Vanilla Bean ice-cream.
You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.
Have you heard the news?
There is a new law being passed that will allow dogs and cats to be deducted as dependents on your tax returns! You can now deduct as many as 100 pets!
The new law is proposed to encourage more people to have pets instead of children. But please be careful…
The law only applies to one day of the year, April 1st!
Happy April Fool’s day!!!!
After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board after the service. He would wait in the office behind the main church.
The first man to arrive was a stranger the minister has not seen before.
“Sir, you misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board,” said the minister.
“Oh, I know,” said the man. “And, if there is anyone here more bored than I am, I’d like to meet them.”