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Discipline

A frustrated father talked to his work colleague about his kids and discipline.

“When I was a youngster,” he said, “I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper. But in my son’s room he has a TV, a laptop, a game console, his cell phone, and a stereo.” After a moment he added, “And I bet he has a stash of snacks there too. We are starting to lose our minds, man, you know what I mean?”

“Oh I do,” replied his colleague, “We’re dealing with the same struggle.”

“So what do you do?” asked the first one.

“We send him to our room!”

The Funeral

A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.

They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.

As they are walking, the husband cries out, “Watch out for the wall!”

Captain Bravo

Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the seven seas, a look-out spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, “Bring me my Red Shirt.” The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt and whilst wearing the bright red frock he led his men into battle and defeated the pirates.

Later on that day, the look-out spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again called for his red shirt and once again, though the fighting was fierce, he was victorious over the two ships. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day’s triumphs and one of the them asked the captain, “Sir, why do you call for your red shirt before battle?” The captain replied, “If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood and thus, you men will continue to fight, unafraid.”

All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of such a manly man as Captain Bravo. As dawn came the next morning, the look-out spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirates ships approaching from the far horizon. The crew stared at the captain and waited for his usual reply.

Captain Bravo calmly shouted, “Get me my brown pants.”

Job Interview

Martin was being interviewed for a new job.

The person conducting the interview wanted to find out something about his personality, so he asked, “If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?”

Without hesitation, Martin responded, “The living one, of course!”

Car Trouble

Driving home from a fishing trip in northern Michigan with his boat in tow, a man had engine trouble a few miles inland from Lake Huron. He didn’t have a cell phone with him, so he decided to use his marine radio to get help. Climbing into his boat, he broadcast his call sign and asked for assistance.

A coastguard officer responded: “Please state your location.”

The man said “I’m on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish.”

The officer paused. “Could you repeat that?”

“Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish.”

There was a longer pause. Then the officer asked, “Just how fast were you going when you hit the shore?”

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