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I asked my…

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain.

Blind Associate

A woman goes into a fishing store to buy a rod and reel. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is an associate standing there with dark shades on.

She says, “Excuse me sir, can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?”

He says, “Ma’am I’m blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes.”

She didn’t believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.

He said, “That’s a 6′ graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line. It’s a good all around rod and reel and it’s $20.00”.

She says, “That’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it’s what I’m looking for so I’ll take it.”

He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her being blind he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.

He rings up the sale and says, “That will be $25.50.”

She says, “But didn’t you say it was $20.00?”

He says, “Yes ma’am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the stink bait is$2.50.”

When I was a…

When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive… It’s a good thing my older brother told me about it.

Golfing Incident

A husband decides to join his wife for the first time playing golf. He’s never really been into the game, but since his wife was playing with all these men around, he wanted to come and check it out.

All day long he complains: About the heat, about the other people, about how long it’s taking…

They are on the 9th green when suddenly he collapses from a heart attack!

“Help me,” he groans to his wife.

The wife calls 911 on her cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up her putter, and lines up her putt.

Her husband raises his head off the green and stares at her. “I’m dying over here and you’re putting?”

“Don’t worry dear,” says the wife calmly, “they found a doctor on the second hole and he’s coming to help you.”

“Well, how long will it take for him to get here?” he asks feebly.

“No time at all,” says his wife. “Everybody’s already agreed to let him play through.”

Magic Bottle

An Irishman is walking along the beach one day, and he sees a bottle laying in the sand. He picks it up and starts to brush it off, and out pops a genie.

The genie says, “Since you have freed me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes.”

The Irishman thinks for a moment and says, “I’m feeling a might thirsty, I think I’ll be wishing for a pint of stout.”

POOF! There is a pint of stout in his hand. He drinks it down, and starts to throw the bottle, when the genie says, “I’d look at that bottle again before I threw it if I were you.” So he looks at the bottle, and it is magically filling back up with stout. The genie told him, “That is a magic bottle, and it will always fill back up after you finish it.” The genie then asked, “What other two wishes can I grant for you?”

The Irishman looks at the bottle in his hand and says, “I’ll be taking two more of these.”

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