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Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy! There’s too much of it.

Visit to DMV

I waited for a very long time for my number to be called at the Department of Motor Vehicles to renew my driver’s license. As I approached the window, the clerk asked how she could help me.

I replied, “I need to get a haircut, can you save me my spot?”

She said, “Why didn’t you get a haircut before your came here?”

I replied, “I didn’t need one before I got here!”

I’m at…

I’m at the age where I have to make a noise when I bend over. It’s the law.

Rich Man in Heaven

A wealthy man died and went to heaven. He was met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter who led him down the streets of gold.
They passed mansion after mansion until they came to the very end of the street. Saint Peter stopped the rich man in front of a little shack.
“This belongs to you,” said Saint Peter.
“Why do I get this ugly thing when there are so many mansions I could live in?” the man demanded.
“We did the best we could with the money you sent us!” Saint Peter replied

Ski Slalom

One year, Israel had the fastest slalom skier in the world and therefore great expectations for an Olympic gold medal.
On the day of the Olympic games, the crowd waited in anticipation. The French champion sped down the course in 38 seconds. The Swiss in 38.7 seconds, the German in 37.8 seconds and the Italian in 39.1 seconds. The Israeli Olympian was not even in sight. 
The crowd waited, and waited. Finally, after six minutes, the Israeli crossed the finish line as well. 
“What happened to you?” screamed his trainer.
Exhausted and annoyed, the Olympian replied, “One of those idiots put a mezuzah on each gate.”

I saw my…

I saw my dad chopping up onions today and I cried. Onions was a good dog.

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