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Storks

Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. “Don’t worry, son. Your mother will come back. She’s only bringing people babies and making them happy.”

The next night, it’s father’s turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying “Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he’s bringing joy to new mommies and daddies.”

A few days later, the stork’s parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he’s been all night.

The baby stork says, “Nowhere. Just scaring the hell out of college students!”

Computer Wonders

A young man at a college was learning about the wonders of the newest computer programs. This newest program could answer any question you asked of it, as long as you provided your name and birth date.

The young man asked this question, “Where is my father?”

The computer printed out the answer “Your father is fishing in Minnesota.”

The young man said it’s incorrect because his father died 20 years ago. The professor suggested rephrasing the question so the young man asked “Where is my mother’s husband?”

The computer printed out “Your mother’s husband died 20 years ago, but your father is still fishing in Minnesota.”

Dark And Stormy Night

A man stood on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling and no cars passed. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop.

The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door only to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started moving slowly. The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way.

Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn’t come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time before a curve.

The guy gathered strength, got out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a bar and asked for two shots of tequila, and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through, crying as he went on.

About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same bar, one said to the other: “Look, that’s the character who climbed into our car while we were pushing it!”

Lost At The Mall

A couple was shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve. The mall was packed with shoppers.

Walking through the mall the surprised wife suddenly noticed her husband was nowhere around. Very upset because they had a lot of shopping left to do, she used her cell phone to call her husband to ask him where he was.

The husband picked up and in a calm voice said, “Honey do you remember the jewelry store we went into 5 years ago where you fell in love with a diamond necklace ? I told you then we couldn’t afford it, but one day I was going to buy you that necklace.”

With a pounding heart, the wife started to cry. “Yes, yes, sweetheart, I remember exactly where that jewelry store is located.”

The husband said, “Well I’m in the bar right next to it.”

Baby Planes

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy had been looking out of the window. He turned to his mother and asked,

“If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”

The mother couldn’t think of an answer. She told her son to ask the flight attendant.

The boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, “If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”

The busy flight attendant smiled and asked the boy, “Did your mother tell you to ask me?” The boy replied, “Yes, she did.”

“Well,” said the flight attendant, “you go and tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. “Have your mother explain that to you.”

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