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Who is Better

A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbucks one day discussing who had the superior culture.

Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, “Well we have the Parthenon.”

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, “We have the Coliseum.”

The Greek retorts, “We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.”

The Italian, nodding agreement, says, “But we built the Roman Empire”.

…and so on and on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.

With a flourish of finality he says, “We invented sex!”

The Italian thinks for a couple of seconds and replies quietly,

“That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!”

Lottery Win

Grandma was nearly ninety years of age when she won $1,000,000 in lottery. Her family were extremely worried about her heart and feared that news of her large win would come as too much of a shock for her.
“Think we had better call in the doctor to tell her the news,” suggested the eldest son.
The doctor soon arrived and the situation was explained to him.
“Now, you don’t have to worry about anything,” said the doctor. “I am fully trained in such delicate matters and I feel sure I can break this news to her gently. I assure you, there is absolutely no need for you to fear for her health.”
The doctor went in to see the old lady and gradually brought the conversation around the lottery.
“Tell me,” said the doctor, “what would you do if you had a large win – say one million dollars?”
“Why,” replied the old lady, “I’d give half of it to you, of course.”

The doctor fell down dead with shock.

Lumberjack

Oly was working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally sliced off all ten of his fingers.

He rushes to the emergency room. The doctor who examines him is really disturbed at such a tragedy. “Oh, yuck! Well, that’s all right, Oly, give me the fingers and I’ll see what I can do for you.”

“I haven’t got the fingers,” Oly said, gasping through his pain.

The doctor said, “What do you mean, you haven’t got the fingers? It’s 2017. We’ve got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have reattached the fingers. You’d be as good as new! Why didn’t you bring the fingers?”

“Well, geez, Doc,” Oly groaned, I couldn’t pick ’em up.”

The Wailing Wall

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. One morning she goes down and introduces herself to the old man.

She asks, “You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?”

The old man replies, “I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth.”

The journalist is amazed. “How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?” she asks.

The old man looks at her sadly. “Like I’m talking to a wall.”

Field Trip

An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station.

At the station, an officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and tells the children that these are the most dangerous and wanted fugitives in the USA.

Little Johnny looks at the wall of mugshots, points to a particularly scary looking individual and asks, “He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!”

The officer replies, “Yes!”

Little Boy asks “Well, why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”

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