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A Christmas poem

The stockings are hung on the chimneyAnd the presents are under the treeAnd mama’s in the kitchen making some herbal teaThe windows are covered with frostThe candles are all alight But as I wander through this quiet houseSomething just doesn’t seem rightYou see, every year the neighbors bring usA Swiss Colony beef logBut the neighbors aren’t aroundThere’s no beef log to be foundthis year Christmas isn’t ChristmasWithout a Swiss Colony beef logWithout those cheeses and meatsI don’t know how I’ll get along — from the South Park Christmas cd, “Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics”

Lone Ranger returns

The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town one dusty, dry, Wild West day and proceed to the first saloon, where they tie up their trusty steeds and head in for a snort.
After a while a stranger walks into the bar and asks, “Who owns the white horse tied up outside?”
The Lone Ranger says, “Why, that would be mine. Why do you ask?”
“Because it’s collapsed and looks like it’s dying,” says the stranger.
So the Lone Ranger and Tonto head out to check on Silver.
“He’s probably just suffering from the heat,” says the Lone Ranger. He asks Tonto if he could run around Silver for a while to help keep him cool.
The Lone Ranger returns to the bar and after half an hour another stranger walks in and asks, “Who owns the white horse outside?”
The Lone Ranger says, “That’s mine, what’s the problem this time?”
“Oh, no problem,” says the stranger, “it’s just that you’ve left your injun running.”

fight

After a big fight broke out in a pub, the police were called in, as staffwere cleared away the debris, they spotted old Ron, a regular customer, lying uncocious in a corner. As he came round, one of the policemen asked him:”Did you get in fracus.” Ron replied: “No, in the nose.”

Why Orgasms?

Q: Why do blondes have orgasms?

A: So they know when to stop having sex!

Yo Mama's So Ugl

Yo’ mama so ugly, she took a beauty nap and slipped into a coma!

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