Recent Posts From All Categories

Friends are like a head

Friends are like a head of hair.

You might lose some, but with enough money you can buy them back.

You might be a redneck if… taxidermist

You owe a taxidermist more than your annual income.

Yo mamas glasses

your mamas glassses are so thik
that when she looks at the map
she sees people waving

Signs Your Co-Worker Is a Hacker

Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.
Has won the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.
When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.
Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work. Mumbled, “Oh, puh-leeeez!” 295 times
during the movie “The Net.”
Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.
Their video dating profile lists “public-key encryption” among turn-ons.
Instead of the “Welcome” voice on AOL, you overhear, “Good Morning, Mr./Ms.
President.”
You hear them murmur, “Let’s see you use that VISA card now, Professor
“I-Don’t-Give-A’s-In-Computer-Science!”

What Do You Think

1. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you are a mile away from him and you have his shoes.

2. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a workstation….

3. I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

4. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead?”

5. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

6. What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?

7. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

8. I have found at my age, going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

9. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me. They were cramming for their finals.

10. Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of emergency. I think you should write “A very good doctor.”

Page 1,034 of 1,036« First...102030...1,0321,0331,0341,0351,036