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Engineers' Terminologies

1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED:
We are still guessing.
2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM:
We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION:
We know who to blame.
4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH:
It works okay, but looks very hi-tech.
5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED:
We are so far behind schedule, the customer is happy to get it delivered.
6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE:
The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.
7. TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING:
We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.
8. THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED:
The only person who understood the thing quit.
9. IT IS IN THE PROCESS:
It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.
10. WE WILL LOOK INTO IT:
Forget it! We have enough problems for now.
11. PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL:
Let’s spread the responsibility for the screw up.
12. GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING:
We’ll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn’t interfere with what
we’ve already done.
13. GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION:
I can’t wait to hear this bull!
14. SEE ME or LET’S DISCUSS:
Come into my office, I’m lonely.
15. ALL NEW:
Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.
16. RUGGED:
Too darn heavy to lift!
17. LIGHTWEIGHT:
Lighter than RUGGED.
18. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT:
One finally worked.
19. ENERGY SAVING:
Achieved when the power switch is off.
20. LOW MAINTENANCE:
Impossible to fix if broken.

A mathmatician, a physicist, and an engineer

A mathmatician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball
and told to find the volume.
The mathmatician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple
integral.
The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water,
and measured the total displacement.
The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball
table.

Things men wish women knew part 1

1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down.

2. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.

3. Don’t make us guess.

4. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you
don’t want to hear.

5. Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. He’s never thinking about “The Relationship�.

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different; it’s just like every other
cat.

8. Dogs are better than cats.

9. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let
it be.

10. Shopping is not everybody’s idea of a good time.

11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

12. You have enough clothes.

Q: How many light

Q: How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?A: Two, the new one and the old one.

Childhood Of Yore

I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to the time when:

Decisions were made by going “eeny-meeny-miney-mo.”

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, “do over!”

“Race issue” meant arguing about who ran the fastest.

Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in Monopoly.

Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.

It wasn’t odd to have two or three “best” friends.

Being old referred to anyone over 20.

The net on a tennis court was the perfect height to play volleyball and rules
didn’t matter.

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.

It was magic when dad would “remove” his thumb.

It was unbelievable that dodge ball wasn’t an Olympic event.

Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot.

Nobody was prettier than Mom.

Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.

It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the “big people” rides at
the amusement park.

Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.

Abilities were discovered because of a “double-dog-dare.”

Saturday morning cartoons weren’t 30-minute ads for action figures.

No shopping trip was complete unless a new toy was brought home.

“Oly-oly-oxen-free” made perfect sense.

Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.

The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.

War was a card game.

Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.

Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.

Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin.

Ice cream was considered a basic food group.

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