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Pick-Up Lines Galore!

I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day long.

(Lick finger and wipe on shirt) Let’s get you out of these wet clothes.

Nice legs….what time do they open?

Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.

You’ve got 206 bones in your body, want 1 more?

I’m a bird watcher and I’m looking for a BIG BREASTED BED THRASHER, have you seen one?

I’m fighting the urge to make you the happiest women on earth tonight.

Oh, I’m sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.

I’d really like to see how you look when I’m naked.

Is that a ladder in you stockings or the stairway to heaven?

You must be the limp doctor because I’ve got a stiffy.

I’d walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

You know, if I were you, I’d have sex with me.

You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

Hi, I’m Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

My friend wants to know if YOU think I’m cute?

Cyber lingo for rednecks

Windows-A danger zone for Fido. Modem-A good way to get rid of
weeds. Mouse-Something the cat chases.

Puppies don't surf…

Why Dogs don’t surf the web…

Can’t stick their heads out of Windows 2000.
Too difficult to “mark” every website they visit.
Can’t help attacking the screen when they hear “You’ve Got Mail.”
Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they’re browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.
Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome
‘Cause dogs ain’t GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand…
Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to manouever.
Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.masters.leg.
Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.

Twice

Q: What is the similarity between lightning and a violist’s fingers?

A: They both never strike the same place twice.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman

Dirt Poor

One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The scientist walked up to God and said, “God, we’ve decided that we no longer need you. We’re to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don’t you just go on and get lost.”
God listened very patiently and kindly to the man and after the scientist was done talking, God said, “Very well, how about this, let’s say we have a man making contest.”

To which the scientist replied, “OK, great!”

But God added, “Now, we’re going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam.”

The scientist said, “Sure, no problem” and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

God just looked at him and said, “No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!”

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