The new priest was so nervous at his first mass, he could hardly speak. Before his second appearance in the pulpit he asked the monsignor how he could relax.
The Monsignor said, “Next Sunday, it may help if you put some vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips, everything should go smoothly.”
The next Sunday the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was able to talk up a storm. He felt great! However, upon returning to the rectory, he found a note from the monsignor. It read:
1. Next time, sip rather than gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There were 12 disciples, not 10.
4. We do not refer to the cross as the big “T’
5. Do not refer to our savior, Jesus Christ and his apostles as “J.C. and The boys”.
6. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are never referred to as“Big Daddy, Junior and, The Spook” and finally
7. It is always the Virgin Mary, never “Mary with the Cherry”.