I Thought You Were M uttered

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time
at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her
skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.

He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my
wife. You look exactly like her.”

“Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!” she screamed.

“Funny,” he muttered, “you even sound exactly like her.”