A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a tribesman at an exotic location.
“What is it made of?” she asked.
“Alligator’s teeth,” the local replied.
“I suppose,” she said patronizingly, “that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us?”
“Oh no,” the man replied, looking at the tourist as if she was the fool. “Anybody can open an oyster.”
Shakey went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. You gotta help me, I’m going crazy!”
“Let me take care of it,” said the shrink. “Come to me three times a week, and I’ll cure your fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“A hundred dollars per visit.”
“I’ll sleep on it,” said Shakey.
Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. “Why didn’t you ever come to see me again?” asked the psychiatrist.
“For a hundred bucks a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars.”
“Is that so! How?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed!”
A man walking along the beach one day finds a bottle. He rubs it and, sure enough, out popped a genie. “I will grant you three wishes,” said the genie. “But there is a catch. Every time you make a wish, every lawyer in the world will receive double the wish you were granted.”
“Well, I can live with that! No problem!” replied the elated man.
“What is your first wish?” asked the genie.
“Well, I’ve always wanted a Ferrari!” POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man. “Now every lawyer in the world has TWO Ferraris,” said the genie. “Next wish?”
“I’d love a million dollars,” replied the man. POOF! One million dollars appeared at his feet. “Now every lawyer in the world has TWO million dollars,” said the genie. “Well, that’s okay, as long as I’ve got my million,” replied the man. “What is your third and final wish?”
The man thought long and hard, and finally said, “Well, you know, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney!”