Violin Practice

Little Hope was practicing the violin in the living room while her father was trying to read in the den.

The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Hope’s violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly.

The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up and yelled above the noise, “Can’t you play something the dog doesn’t know?!”

Old Fool

“Poor Old fool,” thought this rich guy as he watched an old man trying to fish in a puddle of water outside of the bar.

He decided to invite the old man inside for a drink and a bite to eat. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught so far?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth today.”

Shipwrecked Scotsman

A Scotsman was shipwrecked and finally washed ashore on a small island. As he regains consciousness on the beach, he sees a beautiful unclad nymphet standing over him.

She asks, ”Would you like some food?” The Scot hoarsely croaks, ”Och, lassie, I havna’ ittin a bite in a week noo and I am verra hungry!” She disappears into the woods and quickly comes back with a heaping helping of haggis.

When he has choked it down, she asks, ”Would you like something to drink?” ”Och, aye! That haggis has made me verra hungry and I wad verra much like a drink!” She goes off into the woods again and returns with a bottle of 75-year-old single-malt Scotch whiskey.

The Scotsman is beginning to think that he’s in heaven when the unclad nymphet leans closer and says, ”Would you like to play around?” ”Och, lassie, don’t tell me ye’ve got a golf course here too!”