Cold Winter

Late last fall, the Indians on the Aamjiwnaang First Nation reservation in Grand Bend asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the Environmental Canada Weather Service and asked, “Is the coming winter going to be cold?”

“It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,” the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the Environment Canada Weather Service again. “Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?”

‘Yes,’ the man at Weather Service again replied, ‘it’s going to be a very cold winter.”

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the Environment Canada Weather Service again.

“Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?”

“Absolutely,” the man replied. “It’s looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we’ve ever seen.”

“How can you be so sure?” the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, “The Indians are collecting a crapload of firewood.”

New Pastor

A young, single pastor moved to town and decided he would go around and introduce himself to the new congregation. He rang the first door bell and a lady came to the door. She stared at him as he introduced himself.

She said, “I can’t believe how much you look like Conway Twitty, the country music singer.”
He replied, “Yes, ma’am, I hear that a lot.”

He went to the next house and the next, and every lady that came to the door said the same thing—that he looked like Conway Twitty.

At the last house, a shapely young lady came to the door with a towel around her. He started to introduce himself, but she loosened her towel, threw her arms in the air, and screamed, “Conway Twitty!”

The pastor stood there, stunned. Then he said, “Hello, darling!”

Cussing

Two brothers, 6 and 8, were discussing whether the words ‘hell’ and ‘ass’ were curse words. They both agreed that they were in the Bible and they didn’t believe they were bad words. They decided to try them out on mom.

The 8 year old went in the kitchen, his mom asked, “What would you like for breakfast dear, some waffles or bacon and eggs?”

The boy responded, “What the hell, give me some cheerios.” Hearing that the mother smacked him across the face.

The 6 year old witnessed this and slowly entered the kitchen. His mom in a stern angry voice said, “And what do you want?”

The boy replied, “Not sure, but you can bet your ass I’m not asking for cheerios.”

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