hi im ….

Three guys were introduced to a girl.The first said hi im peter
not a saint the second then said hi im paul not the pope.The
third then said hi im john not the baptist.The girl nodded at
them and smiled and said im mary not a virgin.

Suicidal blonde

Suicidal blonde

A blonde girl got so mad about blonde jokes she decided to kill herself.

She finds a suitable tree and proceeds to hang herself by the ankles.

Two guys come over and say, “Are you trying to kill yourself?”

The blonde replies, “Yes, I am.”

One of the men says, “Then shouldn’t you hang the rope on your neck instead of your ankles?”

The blonde says, “I tried that, but I couldn’t breathe.”

7 Quickies!

1) On July 8, 1947, witnesses claim a spaceship with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep-and-cattle ranch outside Roswell, NM, an incident they say has been covered up by the military. On March 31, 1948, exactly nine months after that day, Al Gore was born. That clears up a lot of things.

2) What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?

3) I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me — they were cramming for their finals!

4) If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

5) If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

6) I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?

7) Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?