A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant, buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine and on the way home he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start necking and he’s getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she’s a virgin and wants to stay that way.
“Well, OK,” he says, “how a bout a blow job?”
“EEEEyyyyyyeeeewwwwwww!” she screams. “I’m not putting that thing in my mouth!”
He says, “Well, then, how about a hand job?”
“I’ve never done that,” she says. “What do I have to do?”
“Well,” he answers, “remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?”
“Well, it’s just like that.”
So he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain.
“What’s wrong?!” she cries out.
“TAKE YOUR THUMB OFF OF THE END!!!!!!”
The Boy Who Wanted to Be a Truck Driver
One day, a little boy goes into the candy shop and orders five pounds of “m-n-m’s”,.
The lady at the counter asked him “Don’t you mean five bags?”
He said “No, i want five pounds.”
She was reluctant, but measured them out, put them in a bag and handed them to the little boy. He paid for them, and went outside and sat on the curb.
He ate a few m-n-m’s, and a cat walks by.
He picks up the cat and takes a big bite out of it.
He moves a little further down the curb, and does it all over again.
After the little boy did this about 15-20 times, the lady in the candy store starts to wonder.
She goes outside and asks the little boy “What in the hell are you doing?”
The little boy gives her this answer “I am learning how to be a truck driver like my daddy. I’m popping pills, eating pussy, and moving’ down the line.”