A man goes to the doctor and gets a check up. The doctor finishes the exam and tells the man, “I have some bad news, you only have about two weeks left to live”. The man is shocked. He asks the doctor, “Is there is any thing that he could do to make the time that I have left more tolerable?” The doctor thinks for a moment. “There is one thing that you could do”. “Just name it, I’ll do whatever it is”. He tells the man to take a lot of mud baths, two or three a day. The man looks at his doctor asks, “Will that help my condition”? The doctor says, “No, but it will get you used to the dirt!”
A guy goes to the tatoo parlor and offers the tattoo artist $1,000 to
put a $100 bill on his willie. The artist agrees, but is curious and
asks the man why he wants to do this.
The man replies, “I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now.”
So, the artist goes ahead and does the job. But, all the while he is anxious with curiosity over why this man wants a $100 bill on his penis.
So, he tells the man that he really needs to know the reason why and says that the man can keep the $1000 he would have paid for the tatoo if he would just tell the reason for putting a $100 bill on his willie.
So, the man consents and offers these three reasons: “First, I like to play with my money. Second, I like to watch my money grow. And third, and most importantly, the next time my wife wants to blow $100, she can stay home to do it.”
A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Shortly after he recovers from his an anesthetic his surgeon comes in and tells him: “Well, I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news for you.””Give me the bad news first, Doc.” says the patient. “I’m afraid that we accidentally cut your balls off during surgery, son.””Oh my god!” the patient cries, breaking into tears.”But the good news”, the doctor adds, “is that we had them biopsied and you’ll be relieved to know that they weren’t malignant.”