Bumper Stickers
By 1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
3. Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after.
4. Do I look like a people person?
5. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
6. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
7. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
8. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
9. You! Off my planet!
10. I like cats, too. Let’s exchange recipes.
11. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
12. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
13. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
14. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
15. I’m working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
16. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
17. I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
18. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
19. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
20. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
21. Don’t worry. I forgot your name, too!
22. Adults are just kids who owe money.
23. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
24. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
25. Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
26. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I’ll put shoes on my cat.
27. You look like a bumb. Is that the style now?
28. Earth is full. Go home.
29. Is it time for your medication or mine?
30. I plead contemporary insanity.
31. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
32. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
33. I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
34. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
35. A bath would do you good.