A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.”
The clerk said, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?”
The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.”
“All right. How long do you need them?”
The customer paused for a minute and said, “I’d better go check.”
After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, “A long time. We’re gonna build a house.”
My Dad bought my Mom a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.
“Oh,” said My Dad, “I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet.”
“How come?” I asked.
“Well,” he answered, “because with a clarinet, she can’t sing.”
Mother went out and left dad in charge of their 3 year old daughter.
The daughter was playing with her tea set she got for her birthday, it was her favorite toy. Dad was in the living room watching football when his daughter brought him a cup of tea which was only water.
After several cups of “tea” the woman came home. Dad made her wait in the room to watch his daughter bring him a cup of “tea”, because he thought it was so cute.
Mother waited, and sure enough, the daughter brought him a cup of tea, the woman watched him drink the tea and thank his daughter for such a lovely drink. Then she said to her husband, “Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?”
A mother and father read a bedtime story of a king to their five year old son. As the story concludes, the son says, “Mom, I also want five wives. One will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me…”
Mom: “And one will put you to sleep!”
Son: “No mom, I will still sleep with you.”
Mom’s eyes fill up with tears: “God bless you son.”
Mom continues: “But who will sleep with your 5 wives?”
Son: “Let them sleep with daddy.”
Daddy’s eyes fill up with tears: “God bless you son.”
A teenage girl had just been given family-car privileges, when she returned home very late from a party.
The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning.
At 11:30 am the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, “What time did you get in last night?”
“Not too late, Dad,” she replied nervously.
Dead-pan, her father said, “Then I’ll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front wheel of the car.”