Three Wishes

Three men, an Irishman, a Scouser (man from Liverpool) and a Manc (man from Manchester) are given a wish each by a genie.

The Irishman wished for all land in Ireland to be forever fertile. In a flash it was done.

The Manc is amazed and says, “I want a wall around all of Manchester so no one can enter our precious land.” In a flash a great wall appeared around all of Manchester.

The Scouser scratched his head and said, “Tell me more about this wall.” The genie tells him it’s 500 feet high and 5 feet thick nothing gets in and nothing gets out.

The Scouser’s face lights up as he says, “Fill that sucker with water!”

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Bad Interview

A guy walks in for his interview. The interviewer asks, “Whats the first thing you notice about me?”

The guy responds, “You don’t have any ears.”

Interviewer: “Get out! Send in the next guy.”

Second guy walks in for his interview. The interviewer asks, “Whats the first thing you notice about me?”

The guy responds, “You don’t have any ears.”

Interviewer: “Get out! Send in the next guy.”

This guy on the way out says to the third guy “What ever you do, don’t say anything about him not having any ears. He’ll kick you right out.”

Third guy walks in for his interview. The interviewer asks, “Whats the first thing you notice about me?”

The guy looks at the interviewer intently for a few seconds and responds, “You wear contact lenses don’t you.”

The interviewer says, “That’s impressive that you’re so observant. How could you tell I wear contact lenses?”

The guy responds “Because you don’t have any damn ears to hang glasses on.”

 

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Virus Alert

There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest bar. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Eliminator-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should pass on this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

 

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Executive Assistant

A blonde assistant to a CEO was asked to plan her boss’ meetings during his East Coast trip. She didn’t know what time to book his meetings on the day of his arrival in New York because she couldn’t figure out what time he would be there.

She decided to call Delta Airlines, since he was traveling with them, and asked, “Can you tell me how long it will take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?”

The agent replied, “Just a minute…”

The blonde said “Thank you,” and hung up.

 

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Drug Testing

After a weekend full of drugs and alcohol, I turned up for work Monday morning and they where taking urine samples to test for drugs. It’s a routine thing they do at my job, and normally a surprise, but luckily for me I found out on Friday and came prepared with a urine sample from my girlfriend. She’s a saint doesn’t touch stuff so I knew I would pass the test no questions asked. I sneaked the urine sample in and gave it to the nurse.

My boss contacts me after receiving my test results: “Good news – you passed, totally clear of drugs. Bad news – you’re six weeks pregnant and you’re fired!”

 

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