After the marriage the bride put a box next to her bed and told her husband never to open and check, what’s inside of it. 40 years passed and the husband impatiently opened the box and found there 3 empty bottles of beer and $14,000.
In the evening during the dinner he tells his wife:
– Darling, I have to admit, I opened the box. Would you explain why there are 3 bottles?
– You see, whenever I cheated on you, I emptied a bottle of beer and put it in a box…
The husband gives it a pause and thinks: well, 3 time, that isn’t so much…
– And why do you keep the $14,000 there?
– Well, when the bottles do not fit in the box, I return them and get back the deposit.
Two women are walking home from the bar, they both have to pee so they slip into a nearby cemetery. One uses her panties to wipe herself, and the other uses a reef off a head stone.
Next night the husbands met at the bar, one looks at the other and says “I’m gonna have to watch my wife, she came home with no panties last night.” The other one says “Oh well, mine came home with a card wedged in her butt saying “You were loved and will be missed by the whole entire fire department.”
Peter comes very drunk home late at night. He wakes his sleeping wife: “Emily wake up! You know what just happened!?”
“No”, she replies sleepily.
“I went to the toilet and the light switched on all by itself. And when I went out of there, the light switched off again without me having to do anything. I think I’m getting super powers!”
Emily replies groans: “Oh no, Peter! You pig, you just peed into the fridge again!!!”
A Dutchman was explaining the red, white and blue Netherlands flag to an American.
“Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them.”
The American nodded. “It’s the same in the USA only we see stars too!”
A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient.
“I’m diabetic and I’m afraid I’ve had too much sugar today,” the caller said.
“Well, let’s see. Do you feel any symptoms? Are you light-headed?” my colleague asked.
“No,” the caller answered, “I’m a brunette.”