A wife once gave her husband the silent treatment for an entire week. She didn’t say anything, she just put it into practice. She was hoping it would make him be more attentive to her and to their marriage.
At the end of the week she decided to bring up subject. “You notice anything different about us this past week?”
Without missing a beat, and without having a clue either, he replied. “Yeah, we’re getting along pretty great lately!”
A man goes into a coffee shop and says, “I would like one of your special breakfasts.”
“No problem,” comes the reply from behind the counter.
“But I want it my way,” says the man.
“What do you mean ‘your way’?” asks the waiter.
The man says, “Well, I want the eggs only half done,” he says. “I want the baked beans done so they are baking hot on the top and freezing cold on the bottom. I want the bacon stuck to the plate with grease, with more rind than actual bacon. I want fried bread so greasy that the grease pours out of it.”
“I don’t have the time to do all that!” replies the waiter.
“Well it seemed you had the time yesterday!” answers the guest.
One evening, a family sat down for dinner. The mother served fish and cauliflower. They were all eating, until the boy, chewing on his fish, found a bone.
He pulled it out of his mouth and asked, “Mom, what do I do with this?”
“Put it where you’re sure you won’t eat it,” said his mother.
So the boy carefully stuck it into his cauliflower.
I accompanied my husband when he went to get a haircut. While waiting, I flipped through a book with hairstyles and I found a hairstyle I liked for myself. I asked the receptionist if I could take the book next door to make a copy of the photo.
“Leave some ID, a driver’s license or a credit card,” she said.
“But my husband is here getting a haircut,” I explained.
“Yes,” she replied. “But I need something you’ll come back for.”
An elderly man was on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, a famous surgeon. Just before they put him under, he asked to speak to his son.
“Don’t be nervous, son, just do your best and remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me your mother is going to come and live with you and your family.”