A minister dies and, resplendent in his clerical collar and colorful robes, waits in line at the Pearly Gates. Just ahead of him is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”
The guy replies, “I’m Joe Green, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City.”
Saint Peter consults his list, smiles and says to the taxi-driver, “Take this silken robe and golden staff, and enter into the Kingdom.”
So the taxi-driver enters Heaven with his robe and staff, and the minister is next in line. Without being asked, he proclaims, “I am Michael O’Connor, head pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last forty-three years.”
Saint Peter consults his list and says, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”
“Just a minute,” says the preacher, “that man was a taxi-driver, and you issued him a silken robe and golden staff. But I get wood and cotton. How can this be?”
“Up here, we go by results,” says Saint Peter. “While you preached, people slept — while he drove, people prayed.”
The junior executive had been complaining to his wife of aches and pains. Neither one could account for his trouble.
Arriving home from work one night, he informed her. “I finally discovered why I’ve been feeling so miserable. We got some ultra-modern office furniture two weeks ago, and I just learned today that I’ve been sitting in the wastebasket.”
A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him.
The dog looked up and said, “Don’t be surprised. This is just part of my job.”
“Incredible!” exclaimed the man. “I can’t believe it!
Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!”
“No, no,” pleaded the dog. “Please don’t! If that man finds out I can talk, he’ll make me answer the phone as well!”
It was the end of the day when I parked my police car in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
“Is that a dog you got in the back seat there?” he asked.
“It sure is,” I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the car. Finally he said, “What’d he do?”
I was in a public toilet and had just sat down, when I heard a voice from the next stall.
He said, “Hi, how are you?” Embarrassed I said, “I am doing fine.”
The voice said, “So what are you up to?” I said, “Just doing the same as you, sitting here!”
From the next stall came, “Can I come over?” Annoyed, I replied, “Rather busy right now!”
Then the voice said, “Listen, I will have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the next stall here answering all of my questions.”