Where People Come From

A child asked his father, “How were people born?”

So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were apes, then we evolved to become like we are now.”

The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me! Mommy said people were monkeys first.”

His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”

Read More

Drivers Ed

As the new drivers ed student drove through the red light at the intersection, the instructor admonished him and asked, “Why did you not stop for the red light?”

The student replied, “My brother doesn’t.”

The instructor directed him to return to the school for more instruction before any more driving could take place. On the way back, the student approached the same intersection with a green light, he immediately slammed on the brakes shocking the instructor as well as other drivers. “Why did you stop at a green light?”

The student replied, “You never know when my brother’s coming.”

Read More

Good Sportsmanship

The coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, “Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?”

“Yes, coach”, replied the boy.

“Do you understand that what matters is we win or lose as a team?”

The boy nodded in agreement.

The coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him insulting names. Do you understand all that?”

Again, the boy nodded yes.

The coach continued, “And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach dumb, or stupid, or worse, is it?”

“No, coach.”

“Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain all that to your Grandmother.”

Read More

Sneaky Tip

At a local supermarket, the teenage bagger was helping an older man bag his groceries. One of the rules there was that baggers cannot accept tips when helping people bring groceries to their car. Both the employees and the customers knew of the rule.

Grateful for his help, the older man leans forward to the teenager that just helped him unpack the cart into his car, sneaks a buck into the teenager’s hand and whispers: “Here young man. I want you to have a picture of your uncle George.”

Thinking quickly, the teen pocketed the ‘picture’ and then asked the man, “Any chance you happen to have pictures of my grandfathers Ulysses or Benjamin?”

Read More

Fractions

The math teacher was giving a lesson on fractions and wrote an example on the chalkboard. He explained that the numerator was the top and the denominator was the bottom. Leaning against the board, he asked the class, “Are there any questions?”

When he turned back to face the board, laughter filled the room. “Mr. Alexander,” one student giggled, “you have chalk dust all over your denominator!”

Read More