A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that her battery was dead. She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to dad.
After junior had called, he got back to his mother to inform her that it was a lady that picked up his Dad’s phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.
The woman waited impatiently for her husband to return from work. As soon as she sighted him in the driveway, she ran out and gave him a very hot slap, while the man was trying to ask why? She repeated to slap him and call him names. Neighbors rushed around to know the cause of this.
Finally, between the slaps, them man was able to figure out what happened and called for his son to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.
The son said “The number you are trying to call is not reachable at the moment. Please try again later.”
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”
The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”
The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.
A completely naked dude walks into a bar and from the door orders two shots of vodka. The female bartender looks at him intently, scanning his body up and down.
Finally the dude says, “Hey lady, what are you looking at? Haven’t seen a naked man before?”
The bartender replies, “Well yes, I have. I am just trying to figure out where you’re keeping the cash for the drinks you just ordered.”
After trying a new shampoo for the first time, this woman fired off an enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer. Her husband laughed at her and said the letter will end up in a trash bin of some low level secretary.
Several weeks later she came home from work to a large carton in the middle of the floor. Inside were free samples of the many products the company produced: soaps, detergents, tooth paste, and paper items.
“Well, what do say to that?” the wife asked smiling.
“Next time, you should write a letter to General Motors,” came a reply.
Here is the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than do the British or Americans.
The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what could kill you.