Five surgeons are taking a coffee break and talking about work.
1st surgeon says: “Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”
2nd surgeon says: “Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.
3rd responds: “Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is color coded.”
4th intercedes: “I like engineers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end.”
To which the 5th surgeon, who has been quietly listening to the conversation, says: “I prefer lawyers. They’re heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and their butts are interchangeable.”
On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister.
“Would it be right,” he asked, “for a person to profit from the mistakes of another?”
“Absolutely not!” replied the pastor.
“In that case,” said the young man, “I wonder if you’d consider returning the five hundred dollars I paid you to marry my wife and me last July.”
One night, this guy comes into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.
“What’s the matter?” the bartender asks.
“My wife and I got into a fight,” explained the guy, “and she said she wasn’t going to talk to me for a whole 31 days.”
The bartender thought about this for a while. “But, isn’t it a good thing that she isn’t talking to you?” asked the bartender.
“Yeah, except today is the last day,” he muttered.
A group of married friends are at a bar with their husbands for dinner and drinks. The couples chat about different topics, but eventually they switch seats so that all the men sit together and talk about sports and cars, while the women complain about their husbands to one another.
One of the female, clearly exasperated with her marriage and spouse, states loudly for all to hear:
“Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you’d like to have dinner.”
Hearing that statement, the woman’s husband retorted loudly:
“And women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.”
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he explained, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband, that’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”