Union Negotiations

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract’s sick-leave provisions.

One morning at the bargaining table, the company’s chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, “This man,” he announced, “called in sick yesterday!” There, on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.

A union negotiator broke the silence in the room. “Wow,” he said. “Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn’t been sick!”

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Word Play Eulogy

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.

He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies. The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy:

“Fresh as a man who never knew he was kneaded. Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven.”

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College Grad Problems

A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his doctor one day.

“Doc, there’s something wrong with me. Every time I stand in a baby’s high chair and face southwest, and then touch my tongue to a piece of aluminum foil that’s wrapped around an acorn, I get a strange tingle in my big toe.
Can you tell me what the problem is?”

“Sure,” the doctor said. “You have way too much time on your hands.”

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First Day of Work

A man joined a big corporate empire as a trainee. On his very first day of work, he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, “Get me a coffee, quickly!”
The voice from the other side responded, “You fool you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to, dumbo?”
“No,” replied the trainee.
“It’s the CEO of the company, you fool!”
The trainee shouted back, “And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!”
“No,” replied the CEO indignantly.
“Good!” replied the trainee, and put down the phone.

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Wise Judge

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble that they were having in the apartment building where they all lived.

After a lot of back and forth accusations and overall yelling one over another, the judge demanded order in the courtroom.

Once the courtroom became quiet, the judge, with Solomon-like wisdom, decreed, “Alright ladies, I’m ready to hear and see the actual evidence. I’ll hear the oldest first.”

The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.

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