One day a lady went into a fishing shop to buy her husband a fishing pole for his birthday. She picked up a really nice looking pole and asked the salesman how much it was.
The salesman said, “I am blind but if you give me the pole I can tell how much it is by the weight.”
So the lady gave him the pole and he said, “That pole is worth $45.” She was amazed at how cheap that was so she picked up another really nice pole, handed it to the man and he said, “This pole is worth $55.” She decided that was still less than she wanted to spend so she picked up the nicest looking pole in the place and handed it to the man. “This pole is our best and it is $70.” The woman was happy with his response and said she was taking it.
As she was getting the fishing pole rung up, she had to fart really really badly. She thought about it and decided, since the man was blind, there was no way he would know if it was her, or another customer, so she let it all out.
All of a sudden the man says, “It all comes up to $80.”
Confused the lady says to him, “But you said the fishing pole was only $70.”
He said, “It is. Its $70 for the fishing pole and $10 for the duck call.”
Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He
couldn’t accommodate her with an “after-hours” appointment and since she had to
go to work, she told him, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher,
leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check. By the way, I have a
large Rottweiler inside named Killer; he won’t bother you. I also have a parrot,
and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!”
Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the
whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove
As he was ready to leave, he couldn’t resist saying, “You stupid bird, why
don’t you shut up!”
To which the bird replied, “Killer, get him!!!”
Bill’s mother was visiting her son and daughter-in-law, Betty. Bill came home from work and found six vacuum cleaner salesmen outside his house. He dashed in and said, “Mom, there are six men outside who all claim they have an appointment for a vacuum cleaner demonstration!”
“That’s right,” the mother-in-law replied. “Now you just show them all to different rooms and let them start demonstrating.”
The brothel’s madam opened the door to find a frail, elderly gentleman standing there. “May I help you?” asked the madam.
“I want Natalie,” replied the old man.
“Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps someone else?”
“No, I must see Natalie,” insisted the old man.
Just then, Natalie appeared and advised the old man that she charges $1000 a visit. Without blinking an eye, he reached in his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two of them then went up to a room for an hour, after which the old man calmy left.
The next evening, he appeared at the brothel again, demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts… the price was still $1000. Again, he took out the money and the two of them went up to a room. An hour later, he left.
No one could believe it when he showed up the third consecutive night. Again, he demanded to see Natalie, handed her the money and they went up to a room. After the hour had passed, Natalie questioned him. “No one has ever used my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?”
“I’m from Los Angeles,” he replied.
“Really?” Natalie said. “I have family living there.”
“Yes, I know,” the old man said. “Your father passed away and I’m your sister’s attorney. She asked me to give you $3000.”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He’d been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her,
‘Grandma, what’s that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?’
She was a little taken aback, but she decided that if he was old enough to ask, he is old enough to get a true answer. ‘It’s called sexual intercourse, darling.’ Little Tony said, ‘Oh, OK,’ and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, ‘Grandma, it isn’t called sexual intercourse. It’s called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy ‘s mum wants to talk to you.’