Healthy Cattle

Why don’t they allow farmers to make round bales of hay anymore?
They require the horse & cattle to have 3 “square” meals a day.

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Rainbow Hunter

Did you know that the US Navy is issuing extension cords to all their pilots? If their parachute fails after bailing out – the pilot simply throws the extension cord into the air and as we all know, it always gets caught on something!

Fair Winds and Following Seas!

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Mental Hospital

A visitor at a mental hospital asks the director what the criteria are for defining whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

“Well,” said the doctor, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket as it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”

“No,” replied the director. “A normal person would pull the drain plug. Do you want a bed by the wall or near the window?”

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Latex Factory Tour

A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products.

At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud ‘hiss-pop’ noise.

“The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold,” explains the guide. “The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple.”

Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a ‘Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop’ noise.

“Wait a minute!” says the man taking the tour. “I understand what the ‘hiss, hiss,’ is, but what’s that ‘pop’ every so often?”

“Oh, it’s just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine,” says the guide. “It pokes a hole in every fourth condom.”

“Well, that can’t be good for the condoms!”

“Yeah, but it’s great for the baby-bottle nipple business!”

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Three Blondes on Easter

Three blondes died on Easter Sunday and went to Heaven. St. Peter greeted them at the Pearly Gates and told them that in order to enter Heaven each one had to answer a question correctly. If they gave the wrong answer, they would end up in Hell.

St. Peter turned to the first blonde and asked: “What is Easter?”

The first blonde replied “That’s when kids get dressed up in costumes and go door to door collecting Trick or Treat.” “No, stupid”, said St. Peter. “That’s Halloween. You’re down to Hell!”

St. Peter turned to the second blonde and asked “What is Easter?”

The second blonde answered “That’s when the fat man in the red suit comes down the chimney and leaves gifts for everybody.” “No, you moron”, said St. Peter. “That’s Christmas. Go down to Hell!”

St. Peter turned to the third blonde and asked, in a very exasperated tone of voice, “What is Easter?” The third blonde answered “That’s when Jesus rises out of his grave.” “And???” said St. Peter.

“And, if he sees his shadow there’s another six weeks of winter!”

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