A husband and a wife enter a dentist’s office.
The wife says, “I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.”
“You’re a brave woman,” says the dentist, “Now, show me which tooth it is.”
The wife turns to her husband and says, “Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear.”
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boys position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring.
Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man?”
To which the boy replies, “Now we run!”
A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of shopping at the mall. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmmm…. That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills.”
The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”
A farmer and his brand new wife were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.
The farmer said, “That’s once.”
A little farther down the road the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, “That’s twice.”
A little while later the horse stumbled yet again. The farmer didn’t say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.
His brand-new wife yelled, telling him, “That was an awful thing to do.”
The farmer responded, “That’s once.”
A man is driving down the freeway when he sees a sign that says: “Get gas and free sex here”. So obviously the guy was interested, so he stopped, filled up went inside to pay.
“Pick a number from 1 – 10 to get free sex.” said the cashier.
“Uh, okay, 3!” the man replied.
“Nope! Sorry play again”.
So the guy drove around for weeks always getting gas at the same place, because he wanted his free sex.
One day he was really ticked, “This has got to be rigged! I have never gotten the number to have free sex!” He screamed.
“Oh no! It’s not rigged, just ask your wife, she won 3 times last week alone!”