A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also blonde. The blonde cop asked to see her driver’s license.
She dug through her handbag and was getting progressively more agitated.
“What does it look like?” she finally asked. The policewoman replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on it.”
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it, and handed it to the policewoman.
“Here it is,” she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
“OK, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop.”
A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike. “Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300.”
“Easy, Dad,” the boy replied. “I earned it hiking.”
“Come on,” the father said. “Tell me the truth.”
“That is the truth,” the boy replied. “Every night you were gone, Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would come over to see Mom. He’d give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!”
Little Susie, a six year old, complained, “Mommy, I’ve got a stomachache.”
“That’s because your stomach is empty,” the mother replied. “You would feel better if you had something in it.”
That afternoon, Susie heard her father complaining that he had a severe headache all day.
Susie perked up, “Daddy, you have a headache because your head’s empty”, she said. “You’d feel better if you had something in it.”
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment – shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. – he placed the boy in the chair.
“I’m going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade,” he said. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
When the boy’s haircut was completed and the man still hadn’t returned, the barber said, “Looks like your daddy’s forgotten all about you.”
“That wasn’t my daddy,” said the boy. “He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, ‘Come on, son, we’re gonna get a free haircut!'”
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way.
The man, who was a priest, said, “I am a Father.”
The little boy replied, “My Daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that.”
The priest looked up from his book and said, “I am the Father of many.”
The boy said, “My Dad has four boys, four girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way.”
The priest, getting impatient, said “I am the Father of hundreds,” and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly… but on leaving the bus, he leaned over and said, “Well, maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar.”