Billy-Bob and Bubba were sitting in the back of a trailer, drinking a beer and talking about life.
Billy-Bob said, “If I snuck over to your house while you were out fishing and had sex with your wife, and she got pregnant, would that make us kin?”
Bubba scratched his head for a bit and said, “I don’t think so…but it sure would make us even.”
New medical students were made to take an extremely difficult class in physics.
One day the lecturer was discussing a particularly difficult concept.
A student rudely interrupted to ask, “Why do we need to learn this stuff?”
“To save lives,” the lecturer responded quickly and continued.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?” he persisted.
“It keeps idiots like you from graduating,” replied the lecturer.
A young woman had been taking golf lessons.
She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.
Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.
Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, “Why are you back in so early? What’s wrong?”
“I was stung by a bee”, she said.
“Where?,” he asked.
“Between the first and second hole”, she replied.
He nodded knowingly and said, “Then your feet are too far apart.”
One day a farmer had to fly on a plane to go to a funeral. When he was seated, he could see out the window a red fuel truck driving up to the plane. The plane was fueled and they were on their way.
The trip required several stops along the way. At each stop the farmer saw a red fuel truck coming to the plane to refuel it.
When the plane landed ahead of schedule, the farmer saw the pilot coming out of the cockpit.
The pilot smiled and said to the farmer, “We made pretty good time today!”
In response the farmer said, “Yeah, and that little red truck didn’t do too bad either!”
Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.
The passenger, Bubba, said, “Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it’s a po-lice roadblock! We’re gonna get busted fer drinkin’ these here beers!!”
“Don’t worry, Bubba,” Earl said.
“We’ll just pull over and finish drinkin’ these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat.”
“What fer?” asked Bubba.
“Just let me do the talkin’, OK?” said Earl.
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, “You boys been drinkin’?”
“No sir,” Earl said. “We’re on the patch.”