Leaving a Note

A man returned to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage to the front end of the car. There was no sign of the offending vehicle, but he was relieved to see that there was a note stuck under the windshield wiper.

The note read: “Sorry I just backed into your car. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I’m leaving my name, address and other particulars, But I’m not.”

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Used Car

A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn’t find any buyers.

She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car. “235,000 miles.” Her friend told her that was the problem. Then the blonde’s friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to whatever she wanted. So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the miles at 40,000.

Two days later the blond’s friend asked her if she sold the car since her brother dropped the miles. 

The blonde told her, “Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!”

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Wrong House

An old man was asleep in his chair one afternoon when he was awoken by the sound of the doorbell. He shuffled to the door and when he opened it, he saw a beautiful young woman standing there.

“Oh dear!” she said. “I’m at the wrong house. I am looking for my boyfriend.”

“Sweetheart, you’re at the right house,” the old guy assured her, “but you’re about 40 years too late!”

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Stalled at Red

A woman was out driving when she stalled at a red light. Hard though she tried, she was unable to restart the engine and soon a long line began to form behind her.

One of the male drivers was particularly impatient, sounding his horn continuously.

Finally, she got out of her car, walked over to the driver behind and said: “I can’t seem to get my car started. Would you be a sweetheart and see if you can get it started for me? I’ll stay here in your car and lean on your horn for you.”

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Dentist Visit

A husband and a wife enter a dentist’s office.

The wife says, “I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.”

“You’re a brave woman,” says the dentist, “Now, show me which tooth it is.”

The wife turns to her husband and says, “Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear.”

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