Father of Many

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way.

The man, who was a priest, said, “I am a Father.”

The little boy replied, “My Daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that.”

The priest looked up from his book and said, “I am the Father of many.”

The boy said, “My Dad has four boys, four girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way.”

The priest, getting impatient, said “I am the Father of hundreds,” and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly… but on leaving the bus, he leaned over and said, “Well, maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar.”

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Getting Weighed

The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored.

“What would you like to do next?” he asked.

“I wanna be weighed,” she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guessed. “One-twelve,” said the man at the scale, and he was absolutely right.

Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked what else she would like to do.

“I wanna be weighed,” she said.

I really latched onto a square one tonight, thought the young man, and using the excuse he had developed a headache, he took the girl home.

The girl’s mother was surprised to see her home so early, and asked, “What’s wrong, dear, didn’t you have a nice time tonight?”

“Wousy,” said the girl.

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Sex Change Operation

A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During
the game the guys notice the girl knows much more about the game then they
do, and are really impressed. After the game they ask her, “How is it that
you know so much about baseball?” She says, “Well, I used to be a guy and
got a sex change.”

The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process.

“What was the most painful part of the process? Was it when they cut IT
off?”

“That *was* very painful, but was not the most painful part.”

“Was it when they cut off the sack holding the family jewels?”

“That was very painful too, but was not the most painful part.”

“What was the most painful part?”

“The part that hurt the most was when they cut my salary in half.”

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Redneck Schoolkids

A policeman was talking to a class in the small schoolhouse located in West Virginia. After he had explained the duties a policeman has, he asked the class. “If you were to see a car coming in opposite directions on a one-lane road, what would you do?”

Zeke was called to answer. He replied, “I would notify my half-brother, Jake.”

The policeman looked at him and he asked, “WHY would you call Jake, instead of someone like myself?”

Zeke replied, “Because Jake ain’t never seen a wreck like that! I’m sure YOU have though.”

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Hard of Hearing

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, “Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.” “Well,” the doctor replied, “go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn’t reply move about 5 feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that we’ll get an idea about the severity of her deafness”.

Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

She replies, “For the fourth time, vegetable stew!”

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