A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake.
Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their “freedom.”
As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.
The rabbi replied, “I don’t know about you, but in my congregation, it’s my face they would recognize.”
An old man went to the doctor. He said, “Doctor, I was wondering if you could help me. My wife and I are not getting the same amount of pleasure from sex that we used to.”
The doctor looked at the wrinkled old man in surprise, and said, “Can I ask you how old you are, sir?”
“I’m 87.”, said the old man.
“87!”, exclaimed the doctor, “How old is your wife?”
“She’s 92.”, was the reply.
The doctor was astonished by this, and said, “So let me make sure that I understand this right. You are 87, and your wife is 92 and you are worried that you don’t get as much pleasure from sex as you used to?”
“That is correct.” said the old man, “What can you do to help me?”
“Well,” said the doctor, “when did you first notice this problem?”.
The old man looked thoughtful, “I noticed it first last night, but then twice this morning.”
An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.
After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, “Are you a real cowboy?”
“Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences… I guess I am,” replied the cowboy.
After a short while he asked her what she was.
“I’ve never been on a ranch so I’m not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women,” told the young woman.
A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink.
A couple sat down next to him and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”
“Well, I always thought I was, but I just found out that I’m a lesbian!”
At dinner, a father is asking his kids about the school. He turns to the oldest daughter “How is your history paper coming along, dear?”
“Well, it was hard at first. My history professor suggested that I use the internet for research and it’s been very helpful.”
Surprised at the professor’s suggestion, the father asked “Oh really, how so?”
“Yes, so far I’ve located 7 people who will write it and sell it to me for a good price.”
A guy driving a pickup truck in the middle of nowhere picks up a hitch-hiker. It gets dark and the hitch-hiker falls asleep. Suddenly bang, and the hitch-hiker wakes up.
“What the hell was that?” he asks shaken.
The truck driver replies, “Ehh, just some kinda animal, go back to sleep.”
Further the same thing again, bang, “What the hell was that?”, “some kinda animal again.”
Further into the night, the hitch-hiker wakes up to bang, bang, bang.
“What the hell was that?”
“One of my wife’s lovers!”
“How terrible,” says the hitch-hiker, “but there were 3 bangs.”
The truck driver replies, “Yeah, well I had to go through two fences to get the bastard!”