The five asses

mother fucker

Read More

Did u eat him

was in a bar when i met up with an old pal from school i said crikey you put on some weight… he replied its ever since my dad died … i said what did you do eat him!

Read More

Bar Room Translations

1. “You get this one, next round is on me.”
(We won’t be here long enough to get another round.)
2. “I’ll get this one, next one is on you.”
(Happy hour is about to end…drafts are now a dollar, but by the next round they’ll be $4.50 a pop.)

3. “Hey, where is that friend of yours?”
(I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.)

4. “Can I get a glass of white zinfandel.” (female)
(I’m easy.)

5. “Can I get a glass of white zinfandel.” (male)
(I’m gay.)

6. “Ever try a body shot?” (male to female)
(I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.)

7. “Ever try a body shot?” (female to male)
(If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I’ll do to you on the ride home?)

8. “I don’t feel well, let’s go home.” (female)
(You are paying more attention to your friends than me.)

9. I don’t feel well, let’s go home.” (male)
(I’m horny.)

10. “Who’s got the next round?”
(I haven’t bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.)

11. “Excuse Me.” (male to male)
(Get the hell out of the way.)

12. “Excuse Me.” (male to female)
(I am going to grope you now.) (Editor’s Note – one of my personal favorites)

13. “Excuse Me.” (female to male)
(Don’t even think about groping me, just get the hell out of the way.)

14. “Excuse Me.” (female to female)
(Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not all that, missy, and don’t think for one minute that you are. Coming in here dressing like a ho… Get your eyes off of my man, or I’ll slap you, bitch, like the slut you are.)

15. “What do you have on tap?”
(What’s cheap?)

16. “Can I have a white Russian?” (male)
(I’m *really* gay.)

17. “Can I have a white Russian?” (female)
(I’m *really* easy.)

18. “That person looks really familiar.”
(Did I sleep with him/her?)

19. Can I just get a glass of water?” (female)
(I’m annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.)

20. I don’t have my ID on me.” (female)
(I’m 19.)

21. “I don’t have my ID on me.” (male)
(I don’t have a license since I got pulled over and blew a 0.4 after my last visit here)

Read More

Dogs better than Men

How Dogs Are Better Than Men1. Dogs don’t have problems expressing affection in public.2. Dogs miss you when you’re gone.3. Dogs feel guilty when they’ve done something wrong.4. Dogs admit when they’re jealous.5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.6. Dogs do not play games with you, except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).7. You can train a dog.8. Dogs are easy to buy for.9. Dogs understand the word “no”.10. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

Read More

Air pollution

Air pollution is when your city is hit by a blizzard, and three weeks later, the snow still hasn’t fallen to the ground.

Read More