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” I would like to…….
“I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended yet. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly.”
American Seniors
Groups of American seniors were traveling by tour bus through Holland.
As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat’s milk was used in some of the cheeses. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
“These,” she explained, “are the older goats. We put them out to pasture when they no longer produce.” She then asked, “What do you do in America with your old goats?”
A spry old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours!”
”Light travels faster than….
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.”
An Absentminded Husband
An absentminded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife’s birthday and their anniversary.
He opened an account with a florist and provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates, along with an appropriate note signed, “Your loving husband.”
His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention, and all went well until one day, when he came home, he kissed his wife and said offhandedly, “Nice flowers, honey. Where’d you get them?”
”People say that laughter……..
“People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.”
At the Pharmacy
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, ‘Son, how old are you?’
‘Eight’, the boy replied.
The man continued, ‘Do you know what these are used for?’
The boy replied, ‘Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four.”
“Oh, really?” the pharmacist replied with a grin.
“Yes.” the boy said. “We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do none of that.”