Home
”I like long walks……
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Sleeping in Church
A man and wife attended church one evening, and the wife decided that it was time to stop her husband from sleeping in Church. So, she took her hat pin and decided she would poke him every time he fell asleep. Right about the first time he falls asleep, the preacher asks, “And who created the Universe?” The wife poked her husband and he awakes and yells, “My God!”
The second time he falls asleep, the preacher asks, “And who died on the cross for you?” She pokes her husband and he screams, “Jesus Christ!”
The third time, the Preacher asks, “And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?”
The wife pokes her husband and he jumps up and yells, “By God, if you poke me with that thing one more time, I am going to break it off!”
”I Love sarcasm….
“I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”
The Magic Mirror
A bruenet, a red head and a blonde walked into a shop hoping to find something outrageous and really cheap. they walk in and ask the counter person what they have on special, he replies I have an old old mirror that is for free, but it is Magic. The red head asks how it works and the shop counter says if you say something true to it you will get that times 10, but if you say a lie you will vanish forever. So they thought ok lets get it so they brought it back to their house and the bruenet walks up to it and says I think I am the most richest person in the world and she vanishes, the red head walks up to it and says I think I am the most prettiest woman in the world and vanishes, the blonde walks up to the mirror and says I think and vanishes.
”Friendships must be….
“Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.”
Reminder Software
A guy who had forgotten the dates for a number of his friends’ and relatives’ birthdays and anniversaries, decided to compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted on screen when the machine was turned on.
He went to a number of computer stores to find a software program that would do the job but had no luck at the first few. Finally, he found one where the clerk seemed experienced.
“Can you recommend something that will remind me of birthdays and anniversaries?” the guy asked.
“Have you tried a wife?” the clerk responded.