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”I Love sarcasm….
“I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”
The Magic Mirror
A bruenet, a red head and a blonde walked into a shop hoping to find something outrageous and really cheap. they walk in and ask the counter person what they have on special, he replies I have an old old mirror that is for free, but it is Magic. The red head asks how it works and the shop counter says if you say something true to it you will get that times 10, but if you say a lie you will vanish forever. So they thought ok lets get it so they brought it back to their house and the bruenet walks up to it and says I think I am the most richest person in the world and she vanishes, the red head walks up to it and says I think I am the most prettiest woman in the world and vanishes, the blonde walks up to the mirror and says I think and vanishes.
”Friendships must be….
“Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.”
Reminder Software
A guy who had forgotten the dates for a number of his friends’ and relatives’ birthdays and anniversaries, decided to compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted on screen when the machine was turned on.
He went to a number of computer stores to find a software program that would do the job but had no luck at the first few. Finally, he found one where the clerk seemed experienced.
“Can you recommend something that will remind me of birthdays and anniversaries?” the guy asked.
“Have you tried a wife?” the clerk responded.
” I would like to…….
“I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended yet. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly.”
American Seniors
Groups of American seniors were traveling by tour bus through Holland.
As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat’s milk was used in some of the cheeses. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
“These,” she explained, “are the older goats. We put them out to pasture when they no longer produce.” She then asked, “What do you do in America with your old goats?”
A spry old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours!”