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I do try…

I do try to be empathetic and put myself in other people’s shoes… but I have big feet.

A Senator and a Genie

A senator sat in his office, and out of boredom, decided to see what was inside his old filing cabinet. He poked through the contents and came across an old brass lamp. “This will look good on my mantel,” he said, and took it home with him.
While polishing the lamp, a genie appeared and, as usual, granted him three wishes.
“I would like an ice-cold Coke right now.” He gets his Coke and drinks it.
Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. “I wish to be on an island with beautiful women, who find me irresistible.” Suddenly, he’s on an island with gorgeous women eyeing him lustfully.
He tells the genie his third and last wish. “I wish I’d never have to work again.” Instantly, he was back in his government office.

Women are…

Women are fun to argue with, because even IF they lose, they win.

Denounce the Devil

The Priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night. Whispering firmly, the Priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of him!”
The dying man said nothing.
The priest repeated his order.
Still the man said nothing.
The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?”
The dying man said, “Until I know for sure where I’m heading, I don’t think I ought to aggravate anybody.”

“Instead of ‘have a nice…

“Instead of ‘have a nice day,’ I think I’ll start saying, ‘have the day you deserve.’ You know, let karma sort things out.”

Handyman Painting

A businessman went into the office and found an inexperienced handyman painting the walls. The handyman was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day.

Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing the parkas on such a hot day.

The handyman showed him the instructions on the can of paint. They read: “For best results, put on two coats.”

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